For You I Would

AH! So much has been going on in my life its absolutely crazy. Here are the main things
1) Trevor and I aren't even friends at this particular moment. We're just in each others lives but i've gotten so sick of all of his crap that I just don't care at this particular moment. Well I do. This kinda really sucks. But it needs to happen. Just somedays it doesn't feel that way.
2) I am happy. FINALLY. My friend adam was home from school this week. Well last week now, and the Adam from March Adam/ I went over to his house and I don't really know how it happened. It just did. We kissed and it was like the burden of Trevor was just completely lifted off my shoulders and i feel great! Finally. I can't even explain! Adam isn't home again till thanksgiving but we decided maybe by then we'd be ready to discuss dating :)
There's a lot more than that but i have to head to school. Hopefully you read this :) <3

Chinese Chicken

It's been one week since you looked at me
Cocked your head to the side and said "I'm angry"
Five days since you laughed at me saying
"Get that together come back and see me"
Three days since the living room
I realized it's all my fault, but couldn't tell you
Yesterday you'd forgiven me
but it'll still be two days till I say I'm sorry

Hold it now and watch the hoodwink
As I make you stop, think
You'll think you're looking at Aquaman
I summon fish to the dish, although I like the Chalet Swiss
I like the sushi
'cause it's never touched a frying pan
Hot like wasabe when I bust rhymes
Big like LeAnn Rimes
Because I'm all about value
Bert Kaempfert's got the mad hits
You try to match wits, you try to hold me but I bust through
Gonna make a break and take a fake
I'd like a stinkin achin shake
I like vanilla, it's the finest of the flavours
Gotta see the show, cause then you'll know
The vertigo is gonna grow
Cause it's so dangerous,
you'll have to sign a waiver

How can I help it if I think you're funny when you're mad
Trying hard not to smile though I feel bad
I'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral
Can't understand what I mean?
Well, you soon will
I have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve
I have a history of taking off my shirt

It's been one week since you looked at me
Threw your arms in the air
and said "You're crazy"
Five days since you tackled me
I've still got the rug burns on both my knees
It's been three days since the afternoon
You realized it's not my fault
not a moment too soon
Yesterday you'd forgiven me
And now I sit back and wait til you say you're sorry

Chickity China the Chinese chicken
You have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin'
Watchin' X-Files with no lights on
We're dans la maison
I hope the Smoking Man's in this one
Like Harrison Ford I'm getting frantic
Like Sting I'm tantric
Like Snickers, guaranteed to satisfy

Like Kurasawa I make mad films
Okay, I don't make films
But if I did they'd have a Samurai
Gonna get a set a' better clubs
Gonna find the kind with tiny nubs
Just so my irons aren't always flying off the back-swing
Gotta get in tune with Sailor Moon
'Cause the cartoon has got the boom anime babes
That make me think the wrong thing

How can I help it if I think you're funny when you're mad
Tryin' hard not to smile though I feel bad
I'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral
Can't understand what I mean?
Well, you soon will
I have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve
I have a history of losing my shirt

It's been one week since you looked at me
Dropped your arms to your sides
and said "I'm sorry"
Five days since I laughed at you and said
"You just did just what I thought you were gonna do"
Three days since the living room
We realized we're both to blame,
but what could we do?
Yesterday you just smiled at me
Cause it'll still be two days till we say we're sorry

It'll still be two days till we say we're sorry
It'll still be two days till we say we're sorry

Misconception

We broke up...because i'm in high school and i don't understand what he's going through.

Breathe

So the past two weeks have been very interesting. I need to get down the events of Tuesday July 26th though before anything else. Adam ( yes Adam from March Adam) asked me if I wanted to hang out so I said sure! I missed that kid anyways the only time we'd seen each other was at grad parties so i told him i was in as long as food was involved. So we met up around 1:30 and we walked to Porky's our little outdoor resturant and him being just plain him, paid for me. My black raspberry shake, hot dog and half the giant fry pile that we ate all of! :)
I suggested heading to hyde park after so we did, and we headed down by the water and we found a tree providing a perfect amount of shade. We both just layed there looking up at the sunshine coming down through the leaves, enjoying the breeze off the water.

Now, we didn't say much, hardly any of it was meaningful but just each others presence was incredibly peaceful. We went through so much and then just completely fell out of touch. We never really had closure. But here we are, two friends, lying underneath a tree, just looking up and thinking about absolutely everything.

He walked me home then, after a stop at his house where we drank some lemonaide. At my house he came in and had some water before leaving. Then i walked him downstairs to see him out and he puts on his shoes and says "hug?" so we hug and we say like oh i'll miss you so much and ican't believe your leaving soon and just we'll always be as friends and i go to pull away and he grabs my neck and pulls my cheek towards him and kisses it " just as friends, thats for everything" and then he left. it was a perfect day with a perfect conclusion. its great knowing that God made everything great between us and left me with a great friend for a really long time. If that's my last chance to say goodbye to him, its a perfect one. Love you Adam. Don't forget me.

Good Life

Thing's are well pretty good. I leave in less than a week for Presbyterian Youth Trienium and I cannot wait for this wonderful expirence with 5,000 youth from alll of the world. It's going to be a crazy great expirence starting with my comissioning on sunday at church! :)

I made the dish ambrosia for a church picnic tonight. It looks soooo yummy :) I really hope other people like it. Its marshmellows, yougurt, whip cream and fruit sooo good! :)

Trevor and I made it to 8 months yesterday, with lots of bumps and things but hey its high school these things happen.

I'm really considering not taking ap chem next year and waiting for senior year instead, i just don't think i can handle it. I would also much rather fit yearbook in there too. We shall see i have a bit of time left in summer.

The best news is that I passed my first ever AP exam! After all the worry, the late nights studying my brain out trying to understand what on earth was going on finally it all payed off. I got a 3! WOOOO! :)

This is the day that the Lord has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it. :)

Woke up in London yesterday
Found myself in the city near Piccadilly
Don't really know how I got here
I got some pictures on my phone

New names and numbers that I don't know
Address to places like Abbey Road
Day turns to night, night turns to whatever we want
We're young enough to say

Oh this has gotta be the good life
This has gotta be the good life
This could really be a good life, good life

Say oh, got this feeling that you can't fight
Like this city is on fire tonight
This could really be a good life
A good, good life

To my friends in New York, I say hello
My friends in L.A. they don't know
Where I've been for the past few years or so
Paris to China to Col-or-ado

Sometimes there's airplanes I can't jump out
Sometimes there's bullshit that don't work now
We are god of stories but please tell me-e-e-e
What there is to complain about

When you're happy like a fool
Let it take you over
When everything is out
You gotta take it in

Oh this has gotta be the good life
This has gotta be the good life
This could really be a good life, good life

Say oh, got this feeling that you can't fight
Like this city is on fire tonight
This could really be a good life
A good, good life

Hopelessly
I feel like there might be something that I'll miss
Hopelessly
I feel like the window closes oh so quick
Hopelessly
I'm taking a mental picture of you now
'Cuz hopelessly
The hope is we have so much to feel good about

Oh this has gotta be the good life
This has gotta be the good life
This could really be a good life, good life

Say oh, got this feeling that you can't fight
Like this city is on fire tonight
This could really be a good life
A good, good life

Oh yeah
Good, good life
Good life
Ooh

Listen
My friends in New York, I say hello
My friends in L.A. they don't know
Where I've been for the past few years or so
Paris to China to Col-or-ado

Sometimes there's airplanes I can't jump out
Sometimes there's bullshit that don't work now
We are god of stories but please tell me-e-e-e
What there is to complain about

dear people who invade my dreams

Dear you know who you are who keep invading my dreams,
Can you stop please?
I don't know whats worse, dreaming about you every time i close my eyes or reading over the words you wrote to me and realizing they mean absolutely nothing now.
Please just stay out of my dreams you'd make my life so much easier. I don't want to believe that dreams are what our heart wishes but unfortunately i'm pretty sure that's what mine are. I'm sorry i feel this way. It's not by choice.
love
you know who.

Don't Wait

Getting Leah all ready for prom and looking through all the pictures made me really sad. Everything about this chapter is rushing by and this parts going to close sooner or later. It's her senior year next year. Then's she off to college even if its NCCC for the first two it's going to be weird. I'm so glad she's growing up and such and I am too. It's crazy but it's here weather we are ready for it or not.

Stopping ourselves from allowing who we are inside to burst out is like trying to keep the moon during an eclipse... impossible. So don't wait!

phone calls

We talked for one hour ten minutes and seventeen seconds.
The reason I called you we discussed in the last five. We always talk we never speak.

Maybe one day we'll be able to resolve things, but for now we can't because even through hearing your voice I can't tell. We need to speak face to face. Because, you avoided the truth.

We both deserve a better reason. Because you know as soon as we're together again things will change all over again. We don't know what to expect and we have a whole year before that point. But once it's here we'll have to talk and work things out.

You say your moving on and things won't be the same, may I ask what you are moving past? We've ended almost a year ago and honestly you hurt me not the other way around. Then again, your probably leaving out the details that have so cleverly woven us together that you will never let me in on.

Last summer you were stupid, so you say, then why do you have to move on from it? Stupidity only gets you so far. I can account that to kissing you, you kissing me back and etc. But stupidity won't lead you to take someone out on date after date, to get them alone all the time, to whisper sweet nothings, to do everything possible to be with the person and most importantly stupidity won't lead you to say I love you. You knew what you were doing.

Your going to have to speak eventually. It's a long time off but at the same time maybe that's good we need to figure out what we are doing.

I need more than a sure let's be friends. I need you. The you whose always been there for me. The you who promised, " love you as you need me to love you always."

it doesn't have to change

Talking about kissing, and how your ex kisses with your ex, is slightly awkward and very amusing at the same time. oh how i love breaks from studying. :0
I know two posts one day I'm getting ridiculous. I'll try to make this one longer.

oh god, seriously having my best friend back is great. one year and one month till I'm back there to hang out with him, and you and Elisa and Preston. i cannot wait! although i know there is a whole year and plenty can happen. I'll try not to get my hopes up but really I always do. We'll see what happens.

My exam schedule is crazy but after that summer is here and my life is wide open, to skating, lacrosse camp and whatever else i wind up doing. Oh yeah, all my travels. JOY. Actually I can't wait for my two weeks at the beach they shall be wonderful. no communication for two weeks cause i'll be in canada. it should be great. i just hope no one leaves for college in that time span.

Here's a wonderful cover for you to listen to, hope all is well. :D
http://www.youtube.com/user/jaaaaaaa?blend=1&ob=4#p/u/0/PG1y7Jbc_Es

The Kids Don't Like It

studying! homework hasn't killed me yet, but its not worth the chance of finding out ;)

studying the brains out. trying to make sense of math. had a great last day. oh goodness nfhs seniors you shall be missed. i'm so glad we've became friends. :) this will continue forever.. k? :D

thats another thing kids don't like... graduation.
we do like shoving english teachers faces in cake though. it's a blast. :D

Anything You Want

Music is what GOD wants us to do.
Sing a Song for me. I'll sing a song for you.

Shine On

With prom on Friday last week was a crazy birthday week that was super amazing. I can't believe I'm 16 my birthday party went off without a hitch and then at the end of the week i got to spend it with all of my great senior friends how will be greatly missed next year whether they think it or not. Oh they just have no idea how much they really mean to me. They will be greatly missed. I got stood up for a dance since Adam left but its been decided at my friend Kelsey's grad party he'll dance with me :) Prom night and Post Prom was such a blur of awesomeness that i'll have to get into more detail later on I promise. :)

Saturday morning I came home and checked facebook to find none other than a relationship had brewed in the early morning. Remember how Adam's friend was rethinking their friendship? Well I guess she did and now they are a couple! :) I'm happy for them both but can't help but feel a little like I was punched in the gut. I knew it was coming and I'm happy just did he need to give me attitude when I congratulated him?

Today I had the best conversation with a boy from Utah. When we forget our past its amazing the things we can do. Lately someone told me you never know what bridges you'll have to cross numerous times till you have to cross them. He and i did burn our bridges but luckily I think we'll see it through and make it out as friends. :) Buzz Lightyear is so real and there is such a thing as beyond infinity :)

Details in the Fabric

it fills me with delight (yes, DELIGHT) to know that I make you happy :D I love to know I have that impact on someone! I really agree, our friendship isn't going to be going anywhere, its just about rock solid, and thats so great. If there is only one solid, fixed point in either of our lives at any one time, then I know that point would be our friendship. :) I gotta say your one of the best girl friend a guy like me can have, its just so remarkable to me.
Ya know, i've been thinking the same thing too...I don't even know what way or context the simple 'i love you' is in anymore. It just fits...and we both know exactly what we both mean by it. I mean that kind of understanding is just amazing, idk how else to put it!


I miss the you who would tell me this. Where did he go?

Lock & Key

"It's a lot easier to be lost than found. It's the reason we're always searching and rarely discovered--so many locks not enough keys."

Will you be my best friend, again?
I'm barely balencing as it is and I don't want to drown in my dreams.
The fact is that I love you as much as I did then. Everything you'll ever be, you have always been to me.

Blackest Eyes

You wanna know something that's weird to me? It's weird hearing my mom and your dad on the phone, and my mom describing the boy who makes me laugh, who brightens my day, who is my everything and it not being you. It was always suppose to be you.

Trains

I don't know what I'm doing, what's right or what's wrong. I don't know what I want. Except to stop worrying, I'd love if that could stop. I don't want to get mad, I don't want to feel like I'm underwater, I don't want to hear " I don't deserve you" when I don't feel that way at all. Most of all I don't want you to tell me how I feel, weather its deep down, or how I feel on the surface. I don't want to hear it's not you it's me, and know that it's both. I don't want to answer my phone thinking its going to be an okay conversation and wind up breaking up twice. I can't go through more of that. If you want just go. I know you don't want to but you make it sound like we should. So just go. Okay?

I'm Yours

Hello Morgan, Cause your the only one who reads this lol.

And even though you already know this I'm sure someone will come across it and then they can see it and know it.


I am Trevor Hall's. This fact makes me very happy. :)


Sincerly,
Isabella

You and I Both

For the first time in a long time.... I just want my best friend back. I regret last summer. I want things back to then. I don't want to feel this way but I do. My age is the same as always. Yet now, it stops you from even coming near me. I'm just that 15 year old girl from new york. Somehow, part of me ALWAYS knew it would come down to this.

Was it you who spoke the words that things would happen but not to me
Oh things are gonna happen naturally
Oh taking your advice I'm looking on the bright side
And balancing the whole thing
But often times those words get tangled up in lines
And the bright lights turn to night
Until the dawn it brings
Another day to sing about the magic that was you and me

Take just this first verse and I can translate it into "us terms".
(I came up with all these ideas about us and you just agreed.)
(things didn't happen naturally, you hated my boyfriend so you kissed me.)
(Sure, I'll look on the brightside. I'll think about what got you through so much. The fact that when we were older, we could really try this, and make it work. Oh wait, you just told me that WILL never happen. thanks for that really. night before school started. great way to start the school year.)
(It's hard to balence everything without a best friend. really you try.)
(everything we say now it just turns into arguments.)
(you told me you wanted to be friends and you ment it, we haven't talked since.)
(so now i'll sit here and rant to morgan about how boys are dumb. and you messed up my life. and i don't want to see you next summer.)

(who am i kidding? I can't wait to see you. )


Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
And others just read of
Others only read of the love, the love that I love.
( we had that, that long distance thing that people never believes works out. guess it doesn't.)

See I'm all about them words
Over numbers, unencumbered numbered words
Hundreds of pages, pages, pages for words
More words then I had ever heard and I feel so alive
(That last night, the fact that the you the first boy I ever loved, said I love you to me in the middle of the night in the dark in just a perfect way. yep, I felt alive.)

Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
And others just read of
And if you could see me now,
Oh love, no
You and I, you and I
Not so little you and I anymore, mmm...
And with this silence brings a moral story
More importantly evolving is the glory of a boy
(Hmmmm moral of the story don't fall for boys from utah....their jerks. maybe you'll redeem yourself)


Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
And others just read of
And if you could see me now
Well I'm almost finally out of
I'm finally out of
Finally deedeedeedee
Well I'm almost finally, finally
Well I'm free, oh, I'm free
(Really, I'm starting to give up on ever beign close with you again and I hate that, and I hate knowing your quite okay with it all. )

And it's okay if you have to go away
Oh just remember the telephone works both ways
And if I never ever hear them ring
If nothing else I'll think the bells inside
Have finally found you someone else and that's okay
Cause I'll remember everything you sang
(you always go.)
(It works both way, but its always me who has to speak first.)
(If you never call, I guess I'll e alright but I'll always wonder.)
(What could have been? You and i?)
(I know you have, but her still really? You blame my religion. Lets look at hers.)
(No matter what, we were tied up in each other. Remember? And When I'm with you...)


Cause you and I both loved what you and I spoke of
and others just read of and if you could see me now
well I'm almost finally out of.
I'm finally out of, finally, deedeeededede
well I'm almost finally, finally, out of words.
(the end. good bye. call me when you want me back in your life. I'm not dealing with backburner. OR off the stove.)



(I loved you then. I would maybe 10 years down the road. Right now, I just want you gone. Sorry.)

(The End.)

down down down to mephisto's cafe

If I were you, I would take this as a sign
Believe it's true, we were never meant to fly
And I owe you, I know you more than anyone alive
And I will not let go
They will not remember this song
No matter what we do we'll be wrong
They will not remember this song
No matter what we do we'll be wrong
I can't seem to see the seal we're breaking
I can't seem to see the seal we broke
I refuse to recognize your views
Someone shouted "Everything's for nothing"
Somebody shouted, "All is lose"
But I can't buy that nonsense too
Way back when the prophecies began
Do you think they really had a master plan
Or were they merely writing fables, stories?
I don't know but it has occurred to me
The punishment that they threaten constantly
It's only real if they could just convince me
We're going down, down, down to Mephisto's Cafe
Down, down, down to Mephisto's Cafe
we're going down
And the gears will spin and the sinners sin, but at least we'll give them hell
And the righteous few will spit on you, so bid them all farewell
We're going down, down, down to Mephisto's Cafe
We're going down (Right?) (Right!)
So fuck the flocks of sheep that keep amassing masses
Asses being led so far astray
And I won't claim to believe the things I read
Black books or agenda magazine
I'd rather see in shades of gray
If I were you, I would take this as a sign
Believe it's true, we were never meant to fly
And I knew you when you were you
Before they twisted all your views
Before you came unglued
We're going down, down, down to Mephisto's Cafe
Now everybody's telling taller tales
And I don't know who to believe
Ok, if your father really loves you more
What about the other families?
Finally, I met a man with kindness in his eye and fire in his heart
He said you'll never have to choose a side
It's rewarding but oh, the road is hard....
They broke him wide open
Like a dam and a cork that's holding everything inside
You can play the role of rebel
Just be sure to know your wrong from right
I remember it was years ago
You know I still count the days
You and I had quite a ways to go
I never once heard you complain
And you said
Don't crack, because you might not make it back
And if you do you will be alone and you can't live like that
Well I know when I'm wrong and I sure as hell ain't wrong this time
We're going down, down, down to Mephisto's Cafes

One More for Love

Dear Catalyst,
Maybe I didn't make myself clear, asking you to not be in my dreams was a polite request but since you refuse to cooperate I must demand that you stay away. Please. It's not that I don't like having you there when I close my eyes, but your not the one whose suppose to be there.... I hope you understand.
Love,
your Reaction

P.s. it's only while I wait for you to take my hand.

Bigger than Us

Dear Catalyst,
Would you mind staying out of my dreams? Thanks
Yours,
Reaction

Glass of Water

I'm just going to keep drinking this glass of water so i can pretend your not around today. I don't want to see you at all, after everything you claimed you wanted to be able to talk, and for some reason I figured we'd be okay to do so right after everything. I guess not. You said your happy for me, but maybe that was just a facade, look I want you to know I do miss you. You know how I feel about you. It just isn't the right time and I am sorry. But look at the things we've gone through, you even said so yourself I'm not the one to cure your loneliness, so can't we just be good friends and forget the rest? Please. I'll stick to drinking water in a glass so I don't say anything foolish around you today, I'm sure I will though. I always do.

He heard you could see your future, inside a glass of water
With ripples and the rhymes
And he asked, will I see heaven in mine?
That is just the way it was
Nothing could be better
And nothing ever was,

Dear Utah

Dear Utah, i want you to know the boys who inhibit you by either being born there, growing up there or going to college there are THE WORLDS LARGEST JERKS EVER. AND for those of you who decide to ask my best friend Morgan Summers out, you better know I will personally spend my college money to fly from New York to Utah to punch you in your face if you mess with her. No IF'S AND'S OR BUT'S. Sincerly, Isabella
oh p.s. all my blog titles are always song names however, your the first post not to let this be true of so there neeeds to be a song about utah. I might just write one tonight. I have a lot to say to you Mister!

Sirens

There's a weakness in the window
Place my footprints in the dark room
There's lonely voices like a scarecrow
In the hallway like a lost ghost
In the bedroom I see a shadow
From the moon with light from a candle
On a bed-frame lies a girl
Her reflection in the mirror

Ladada dadada dadada dadala dada
I like your eyes wide
Ladada dadada dadada dadala dada
I've been knocking at your backdoor
Ladada dadada dadada dadala dada
Nervous like a knife fight
Ladada dadada dadada dadala dada
Be careful what you ask for

I do this from time to time
Where I can never wake from a bad dream (from time to time)
I do this from time to time
When I can never say the things I mean (from time to time)
I do this from time to time
Where I like to watch you as you sleep (from time to time)
I do this from time to time
Where I like to think of you with me

It's a dark night on the West Coast
Then a soft breeze as the sun rose
Then the phone rang like a gunshot
Like a siren on the beach rock
There's a message at the river
A certain package here to the deliver
When the day breaks after nightfall
I will be there, you know I will

Ladada dadada dadada dadala dada
I like your eyes wide
Ladada dadada dadada dadala dada
I've been knocking at your backdoor
Ladada dadada dadada dadala dada
Nervous like a knife fight
Ladada dadada dadada dadala dada
Be careful what you ask for

I do this from time to time
Where I can never wake from a bad dream (from time to time)
I do this from time to time
When I can never say the things I mean (from time to time)
I do this from time to time
Where I like to watch you as you sleep (from time to time)
I do this from time to time
Where I like to think of you with me (from time to time)

I can hear you breathe,
I'm feeling the shake
And the sound of my heartbeat
Can't let go...
Do you know
I'm feeling the pain
Of my first love?
I won't let it go...
Can't let go

I do this from time to time
Where I can never wake from a bad dream (from time to time)
I do this from time to time
Where I can never say the things I mean (from time to time)
I do this from time to time
Where I like to watch you as you sleep (from time to time)
I do this from time to time
Where I want to taste you as you breathe (from time to time)

I do this from time to time
Where I can never wake from a bad dream (from time to time)
I do this from time to time
Where I can never say the things I mean (from time to time)
I do this from time to time
Where I like to watch you as you sleep (from time to time)
I do this from time to time
Where I like to think of you with me (from time to time)





OH YEAH BOYS IN UTAH SUCK.

Wake Up

God works in mysterious ways. He has his plan, and one day we'll all know of it. But until then we can sit, wait, watch, question, and know its for the best. And also enjoy everything he's going to throw our way. It's all for a reason. And at the end of the day Adam was right " We simply have the chance to gain things for a time." We gained each other for just over a month, and turns out it was exactly what we both needed. Now, we can move forward, move to the next thing, and be happy for each other, cause the others happy. We both knew this end was coming, even if he was the catalyst. So God, I'd like to take this chance to thank you. Thank you for putting Adam into my life at a time when I definitely did not think another boy was what was needed. Thank you for causing Trevor and I to break up. Thank you for letting me get to know another great person on this Earth, who i know for a fact I'm going to stay great friends with. Thank you, for opening my eyes. Thank you for opening my eyes to the fact that I love who I've loved for the past 5 months and one day. Trevor. Thanks for making me realize that even if i get so super frustrated with things, it's him who I'm suppose to be with right now. Thank you for letting Adam understand how I felt, and just knowing I'm happy and being glad that I'm happy. God, you've given me a lot of great people. Thanks for giving Adam a best friend who he's fallen in love with and she's rethinking their friendship. That's so great that that's finally happening! Thank you for more than one day with him. Two was just enough i think. Thanks for a perfect tearless goodbye. Thanks for those last hugs, the last kiss, and the last goodnight.

Kermit the Frog said "There are as many ways to meet someones as there are someones to meet. That said, it's almost impossible to meet that special someone unless you're willing to be someone else's someone until your special someone comes along." I think he may just have been onto something. So thanks God, I love you.

The Man Who Can't be Moved

cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'll see me waiting for you on our corner of the street
So I'm not moving, I'm not moving

And in the end, all it came down to was the click of a single button. That's when us ended. Not when you uttered the words " I'm breaking up with you" but two weeks later when we've yelled and screamed our lungs out on each other and have moved on in ways we don't mean to. we can't talk anymore. We just can't. We have to move forward everyday seeing each other with the wrong person. And maybe eventually we'll come out of this as friends. But really, we're so screwed up that's going to take months. In end the end we said I love you, and i don't care if I'm a sophomore in high school and maybe shouldn't be saying those words, but it's true, i have loved you, i do love you and i will love you. We said I love you, sleep well, sweet dreams, and don't let the bed bugs bite.... and then the silence came for we knew as soon as you hit the button, there was no going back ever. Like I said last night, if your going to try and forget about this please for my sake never forget what you said the very first time we hung out all the way back in October. "We go together like red & blue." and we always will, even if this is the end.

Collide

I sent you those words last may. WE finally saw each other, we kissed, we fell head over heels, i left. you forgot, we moved on without the other. And now, you want to talk to me. You want this friendship again and you say i won't get hurt. I'm not getting attached this time, and you gotta want this. You gotta show me you want this for real and actually try and then maybe we can do this again. I'm not looking to lose you again.

I'm eating yogurt. That's another thing for my list of firsts.

Brown Eyed Girl

Do you remember when we used to sing,
Sha la la la la la la la la la la te da???
absolutely loving this warm weather. Baking bread and hanging out with a new found friend. :D skating later then spending time with my dad maybe i'll convince him to go bike riding! so excited for this weekend. It's Good Friday so it's lsightly somber but still in 3 days Jesus will rise again! And we will all be reminded we are forgiven for our sins. And that now it's time to start all over we have been transformed. being forgiven is something necessary for everyone. so thank goodness we already have been. I'm blasting cheesy music enjoying the day. Can't wait for whats going to happen in like an hour. :D

Currents

Going for a walk with the boy who caused me mad panic on April fools by decideding to date my one and only follower morgan. :) Thanks you two real cool. I'm over it now though. And spending a few hours outside. :) Great day though. I got to attend the program Music in Action which was started by Robbie of the Goo Goo Dolls ( the awesome band from Buffalo) and hopefully next year we'll have the program as a full fledged thing. :D It was awesome to hear the girl Grace who talked about songwriting perform as the audience was able to see all of the things she talked about in her workshop in her performance. :) Gym the only class I attended today was nice I got to walk with two of my favorite guys ever. The one who i'm helping bake tomorrow... :D

I've decided my life is in currents. Waves of inspiration. And one day these waves and currents are going to hit me so hard, I'll fall over with the determination to carry out my dream whatever it might be. Thanks everyone for being the currents in my life. I can't wait for the day they finish piling up and life hits me. :D

Disenchanted

I think I've finally figured out what i want to do, what i need to do. I NEED to write. like NOW. I'm going to loose my sanity without it. And going crazy at the age of 15 isn't exactly what i had in my life plan.... okay going to write. maybe it will help me figure everything else out. i doubt it, but hey it's worth a shot am i right?

Lists of Firsts
1) i now have a private student i coach figure skating
2) i got a 61 on a math test. i haven't gotten that high in months!
3) i lost 15 points on a huge project because i forgot a bibliography ( when one wasn't specified.)
4) I UNDERSTOOD THE PAST TWO DAYS IN MATH.
5) I recieved a sincere apology about everything.
6) Gym is my favorite class
7) I'm going to be killed when my report card comes home
8) it's the first tuesday in almost 3 months without class. woohoo. a night full of homework and not getting a chance to bake kels cupcakes. :(.
9) MY blog title doesn't match any of what this post is about. Although it is the song i'm listening too.
10) andy wouldn't take the coffee cake.
11) i talked to preston while he's on his mission
12) i think that's all for now at least
Well, I'll post more later off to math homework and writing a novel. <3>

They Bring Me to You

There's absolutely nothing like preaching for the first time after roughly 12 classes and working so hard on your frist sermon, preaching it in front of your mom making her cry getting no weaknesses and tons of praise for something that truely was myself. This sermon was everything I've needed to say and just let roll of my chest after everythign that's happened this past year. This was my chance and I did it. I let the world know my secrets I admitted to God and i admitted to everyone that without him i don't know where I'd be. Maybe this sounds testimonial and I don't eman it to. Just, my goodness, the things you can accomplish with God is remarkable.

I talked about my Grandma's death... something I rarely do cause I feel like I can't complain I didn't know her in some ways maybe it shouldn't have affected me as much but it did. The fact that I never got to know a women who shaped my mother's life so much...it makes me feel jipped in a sense. My Grandma is someone i'm more and more like everyday with my works in the Church and with my love for music ( even though I'm not singing... oh how i wish she could have taught me how to sing) My mom pointed this out to me last night and maybe she's right. At GRandma's memorial service Pastor Crappy as we call him did a horrendous job with her sermon and just ruined that day. My mom on the way home goes " It's like despite what he did you got up there and you stood up for us and were all HA! Look what I can do even though you wrecked this for me!" And it true. HAHA on you pastor crappy. You ruined my Grandma's memorial but you'll never ruin my family. WE have each other. You wanna see God? Look at people loving THAT'S your evidence.


HAHA on all the people who screwed up this year. Yeah i'm talking about you the jerk who goes to school in Moscow and yeah i'm talking about you the snotty sophomore clarinet in wind ensamble. Phooey on you. Look at me now. I couldn't be better.

I'm doing what i love to do with the people who love and don't mind me. Things can be stressful but i'll always remember I have God's love. For that, I'm forever greatful. :)

HAHA adversity i OVERCAME you.


I FOUND MY LIMITLESS POSSIBILITES. <3

I'm Ready, I Am

PREACHING TONIGHT.

Finally. :D

I'm on the Up and Up

Currently, I'm listening to relient k and thinking about the awesome day that lies ahead. So much has changed since the last time I posted and the details aren't exactly necessary... pretty much I did get my answer from that person, we started over and now we're good friends. :D Today's a half day and one of my newer friends is walking me home. I can't wait to actually hang out with him! School has been really stressful so this half day is a huge sigh of relief! Marking period closes soon! Next weekend is the boyfriends play, Pippin I can't wait to see it! This weekend we're going to see another hs version of HSM Pinafore. Next week I'm also preaching for the first time and scared outta my mind about it. I can't wait to write about how that goes! Well i absolutely must get ready for school! I'll post more later, here's a neat quote for you day.

"And sometimes you sense how faithfully your life
is delivered, even though you can't read the address"

Sitting, Waiting, Wishing

Dear Readers,
Here I am. Sitting, waiting, wishing on for a message, while trying to write a sermon, thinking a lot about going back to sleep, and ignoring my massive amounts of homework that are in the back of my mind. Does well we'll talk tomorrow another way of saying I'll see you tomorrow or does it mean we'll actually talk and get things worked out? I just don't know anymore. Goodness I'm getting obsessed with the music playing in the back of this post that i'm writing maybe i'll leave a list. :) I think making this blog was more fun than writing a post thats so bad isn't it? I love writing...maybe its just the fact that there is too much other things racing through my mind at this moment in time.... Anyways i must get back to writing this sermon. I'm finally getting my story out and you have no idea how good it feels to see the truth on paper and know I've made it through. And as in the words of one of my favorite poems,

Soda Crackers " But I tell you the clear sunshiny days are here, at last. "